Another long break

So once again it has been a long time since I wrote on hear, and for that I apologize to my reader... I do have a lot to say, and it will not be written in this blog, but probably over three or four, so that is good, I have lots to work with.

so I will start with the oldest news. I live in Vancouver, and we just finished hosting the Olympics, and it was one of the coolest experiences of my life. Watching it really helped me with my film, and my writing, (although I do have a bit of writers block). What really captures people, and what they really want to see is Human emotions. They want to be able to feel what people are going through, and seeing that really helps. It does not matter if that is on TV, but during the Olympics, the world was captivated by all sorts of emotion from the joys of winning the agony of defeat, the tragedy of loss and the realization of a childhood dream come true. This captivates us.

What good writing is is all about a connection with audiences where they can picture themselves as the main character and can feel what they are going through. Now all of this I really already new, as I am sure most people do, but to see it live and to have people to share it with really was something special, and something I will never forget.

I am a dreamer

So, part of life is realizing who you really are, and this is not something new to me, but something I wanted to write about anyway. I am a dreamer. It is true. In all aspects of my life, I dare to dream. I dare to see myself as the Speilberg type person with the perfect family, and everything you could ever want in life.

It is why I have yet to really set a career goal in my life besides the almost unobtainable. All I want to do is make movies. If I could just make movies for the rest of my life, I would be very happy. The thought of doing something else makes me lazy and put my feet down and drag tail, like a dog being forced to go for a walk when it is raining odly enough cats and dogs. I am realizing that the best way to keep myself happy is to find something to make nough money with enough spare time I can do this.

In my personal life, I dream too, I think about the girl that I can't have and that I lust for, and litterally dream of. I picture in my head ways we could be together, and what we would say. I dream of how my life would be with this person.

In the end my entire life is a dream, and I am waiting to wake up, and still have a smile on my face from the wonderful dream I had.

I am in a hurry and don't know why

So I have been so busy over the last two months, and am happy to get a chance to finally write again. I have a lot to write about as you can all imagine, but at this time I have no real focus on what I should write about. I could write about the girl troubles I seem to be having, or how tired I am from being so busy with work. Or even the bad events in my life that made me decide to once again revaluate my life. Or the coming result of this revaluation.

I will start at the top and see where I go from there. So the first thing I mentioned was the girl trouble. I guess the main detail is I still really like this girl that does not like me the same way I like her. I am learning to deal with it, as I have had to deal with this before (really who hasn't?). But I have never... longed (not sure that is the right word) for someone like this. This is a girl I really like and I think we could be great together. She pushes me away and you think I would learn from that, but alas I haven't. It just seems as if I can't shake wanting her. I am trying now to move on a bit. I turned down a 19 year old from Germany. She was a cool girl, but too young and became clingy. She showed up at my work with no warning when I got off at midnight. It was a bit too starkerish. I am now ok with girls that young, but am looking for some maturity.

Well I spent a ton of money over the xmass holiday. I was thinking I was going to be a bit tight for the month of January. Then my car broke down on the 24th of December, and only one place was open. It was Canadian Tire (Crappy Tire as my friend Neale calls it). They bent me over and screwed me like a Vegas Call girl. So now I was deep in the whole and needed a second job so I looked up some jobs on craigslist and now am a driver for a used car broker. It is easy work and nice to make some extra cash.

Well, my Grandma is dying, she has Cancer, and she is 97. It is hard to watch now, even as I have come to terms with it. My friends have been great as I deal with this once more. This has made me think about my life, and where I want to be. The truth is I am a dreamer. I can't give up on my dream. I am going to continue to write, and try and make films. I can't give up on this. So I am going to get myself a job that can get me through and allow me to pay for what I need, so I can still make films. So i am going to become an icemaker, be a Zamboni driver.

I had enough...

"But you fog things up! You always have. You spin me about." Is a line from a movie, and I am sure some of you not only recognize the movie, but also the scene. I write today's blog after a conversation I had with someone, and this line is the one thing I could think of.

Truth is I really like this girl, and I don't think she really cares for me. So as I sit here listening to the music of Glee (though show rocks, thought I should plug it to the one person reading this), I can't help but think of the relationship I have with this girl. Now without giving you all the details, This girl has me all confused. Confused about her, confused about me, and confused about these funny feeling I have for her. As the quote says, she has fogged up my life, flipped it up side down, spun me about and now I don't know what way is down.

All the while giving me no reason to think she feels the same. Our last conversation she sounded frustrated with me. I had no idea with what as it has been a while since we last talked. So if it was not with me, with what. All I wanted was to talk to her and ask her what angered her. But I resisted. I know that I must move on, that I have had enough. I really haven't though, I think that is evident by this blog about a girl, that could have the world with her smile.

So what does one do? Well one just tries to keep other things in their life, it can't hurt you if you don't think about it right?

Memory lane... maybe more of a boulevard.

So in the last two days, I have had to go visit my old high school twice. Once to order my transcript, and once to pick it up. It is a very surreal experience. It really should not be, but when you walk the halls and run into old teachers/coaches that still remember you, and in one case still tell their students about you (as you won a championship under them) it is hard for it not to feel this way.

You walk into the office, and see how much has changed, yet how little everything has. It brings back a flood of memories that are all over the map. This is where I use to hang out at lunch, this is where I use to go out of my way every F block to hopefully walk past that girl. Over here is where my favorite class use to be before the school was renovated. That is where I got in trouble for... well we don't need to go there.

It was a little bit funny with the timing as I had dinner last night at my oldest friends restaurant, with two friends I do not see often enough. We talked, and caught up, and remember some of the good times. I guess there is no real point to this blog besides the ramblings of someone remembering some good times. But here is the the past and the fond memories, and to the future and even better ones.

That last line

So I have all but finished my script for my latest film. I think it is actually pretty good, and I am pleased with how it as turned out, especially in the time I wrote and developed the idea. It is not a long script, but so much more thought had to go into this than a normal script this length.

This is the kind of film I would love to make for the rest of my life. A little slice of life. Yes these movies are generally about big moments, but they are moments that define a persons life. We all have these kinds of moments and they are what creates are real character.

So now all I need is a last line to finish the movie off. Here is not the most important line, but the one that will define the road this character goes in. Does she fall back into the grove she has been in? Or does she grow and go on to turn a new page? Does it become a happy ending a Sad ending or just an ending?

It is very cool to have one line that will do so much for a movie. It is also a little scary to write it. It is moments like these that define a lifetime.

What inspirers me?

So what inspires me? I thought I would pose this question after a bit of time spent working on my screenplay and not being able to finish this conversation two of the characters are having. It is funny, it is based on a conversation I have had, so you would think it would be easy to write. It turns out to be the exact opposite.

So what have I done to cure this? Well I started by making a play list, on my itunes of music that will hopefully give me inspiration for the scene I am having trouble with. How did that work? Well I am now writing this blog, so you tell me. Not sure what the next step is.

I want to talk to someone about it, and hopefully re-awaken the conversation we had, but I think that will backfire. Doing that will make everything forced, and that is the last thing I want from this conversation. This is a pivotal point in the movie for two of the characters, they should both be natural and saying things of the cusp, saying what comes to mind first before they think about it.

That is my problem, as someone pointed out, I think to much about everything, I put to much thought into every detail instead of just acting and going for it. So maybe I should just stop thinking, shut off my brain and write. Wait is that not what I have just done for the last four paragraphs?