So, part of life is realizing who you really are, and this is not something new to me, but something I wanted to write about anyway. I am a dreamer. It is true. In all aspects of my life, I dare to dream. I dare to see myself as the Speilberg type person with the perfect family, and everything you could ever want in life.
It is why I have yet to really set a career goal in my life besides the almost unobtainable. All I want to do is make movies. If I could just make movies for the rest of my life, I would be very happy. The thought of doing something else makes me lazy and put my feet down and drag tail, like a dog being forced to go for a walk when it is raining odly enough cats and dogs. I am realizing that the best way to keep myself happy is to find something to make nough money with enough spare time I can do this.
In my personal life, I dream too, I think about the girl that I can't have and that I lust for, and litterally dream of. I picture in my head ways we could be together, and what we would say. I dream of how my life would be with this person.
In the end my entire life is a dream, and I am waiting to wake up, and still have a smile on my face from the wonderful dream I had.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Friday, January 15, 2010
I am in a hurry and don't know why
So I have been so busy over the last two months, and am happy to get a chance to finally write again. I have a lot to write about as you can all imagine, but at this time I have no real focus on what I should write about. I could write about the girl troubles I seem to be having, or how tired I am from being so busy with work. Or even the bad events in my life that made me decide to once again revaluate my life. Or the coming result of this revaluation.
I will start at the top and see where I go from there. So the first thing I mentioned was the girl trouble. I guess the main detail is I still really like this girl that does not like me the same way I like her. I am learning to deal with it, as I have had to deal with this before (really who hasn't?). But I have never... longed (not sure that is the right word) for someone like this. This is a girl I really like and I think we could be great together. She pushes me away and you think I would learn from that, but alas I haven't. It just seems as if I can't shake wanting her. I am trying now to move on a bit. I turned down a 19 year old from Germany. She was a cool girl, but too young and became clingy. She showed up at my work with no warning when I got off at midnight. It was a bit too starkerish. I am now ok with girls that young, but am looking for some maturity.
Well I spent a ton of money over the xmass holiday. I was thinking I was going to be a bit tight for the month of January. Then my car broke down on the 24th of December, and only one place was open. It was Canadian Tire (Crappy Tire as my friend Neale calls it). They bent me over and screwed me like a Vegas Call girl. So now I was deep in the whole and needed a second job so I looked up some jobs on craigslist and now am a driver for a used car broker. It is easy work and nice to make some extra cash.
Well, my Grandma is dying, she has Cancer, and she is 97. It is hard to watch now, even as I have come to terms with it. My friends have been great as I deal with this once more. This has made me think about my life, and where I want to be. The truth is I am a dreamer. I can't give up on my dream. I am going to continue to write, and try and make films. I can't give up on this. So I am going to get myself a job that can get me through and allow me to pay for what I need, so I can still make films. So i am going to become an icemaker, be a Zamboni driver.
I will start at the top and see where I go from there. So the first thing I mentioned was the girl trouble. I guess the main detail is I still really like this girl that does not like me the same way I like her. I am learning to deal with it, as I have had to deal with this before (really who hasn't?). But I have never... longed (not sure that is the right word) for someone like this. This is a girl I really like and I think we could be great together. She pushes me away and you think I would learn from that, but alas I haven't. It just seems as if I can't shake wanting her. I am trying now to move on a bit. I turned down a 19 year old from Germany. She was a cool girl, but too young and became clingy. She showed up at my work with no warning when I got off at midnight. It was a bit too starkerish. I am now ok with girls that young, but am looking for some maturity.
Well I spent a ton of money over the xmass holiday. I was thinking I was going to be a bit tight for the month of January. Then my car broke down on the 24th of December, and only one place was open. It was Canadian Tire (Crappy Tire as my friend Neale calls it). They bent me over and screwed me like a Vegas Call girl. So now I was deep in the whole and needed a second job so I looked up some jobs on craigslist and now am a driver for a used car broker. It is easy work and nice to make some extra cash.
Well, my Grandma is dying, she has Cancer, and she is 97. It is hard to watch now, even as I have come to terms with it. My friends have been great as I deal with this once more. This has made me think about my life, and where I want to be. The truth is I am a dreamer. I can't give up on my dream. I am going to continue to write, and try and make films. I can't give up on this. So I am going to get myself a job that can get me through and allow me to pay for what I need, so I can still make films. So i am going to become an icemaker, be a Zamboni driver.
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