I had enough...

"But you fog things up! You always have. You spin me about." Is a line from a movie, and I am sure some of you not only recognize the movie, but also the scene. I write today's blog after a conversation I had with someone, and this line is the one thing I could think of.

Truth is I really like this girl, and I don't think she really cares for me. So as I sit here listening to the music of Glee (though show rocks, thought I should plug it to the one person reading this), I can't help but think of the relationship I have with this girl. Now without giving you all the details, This girl has me all confused. Confused about her, confused about me, and confused about these funny feeling I have for her. As the quote says, she has fogged up my life, flipped it up side down, spun me about and now I don't know what way is down.

All the while giving me no reason to think she feels the same. Our last conversation she sounded frustrated with me. I had no idea with what as it has been a while since we last talked. So if it was not with me, with what. All I wanted was to talk to her and ask her what angered her. But I resisted. I know that I must move on, that I have had enough. I really haven't though, I think that is evident by this blog about a girl, that could have the world with her smile.

So what does one do? Well one just tries to keep other things in their life, it can't hurt you if you don't think about it right?

Memory lane... maybe more of a boulevard.

So in the last two days, I have had to go visit my old high school twice. Once to order my transcript, and once to pick it up. It is a very surreal experience. It really should not be, but when you walk the halls and run into old teachers/coaches that still remember you, and in one case still tell their students about you (as you won a championship under them) it is hard for it not to feel this way.

You walk into the office, and see how much has changed, yet how little everything has. It brings back a flood of memories that are all over the map. This is where I use to hang out at lunch, this is where I use to go out of my way every F block to hopefully walk past that girl. Over here is where my favorite class use to be before the school was renovated. That is where I got in trouble for... well we don't need to go there.

It was a little bit funny with the timing as I had dinner last night at my oldest friends restaurant, with two friends I do not see often enough. We talked, and caught up, and remember some of the good times. I guess there is no real point to this blog besides the ramblings of someone remembering some good times. But here is the the past and the fond memories, and to the future and even better ones.

That last line

So I have all but finished my script for my latest film. I think it is actually pretty good, and I am pleased with how it as turned out, especially in the time I wrote and developed the idea. It is not a long script, but so much more thought had to go into this than a normal script this length.

This is the kind of film I would love to make for the rest of my life. A little slice of life. Yes these movies are generally about big moments, but they are moments that define a persons life. We all have these kinds of moments and they are what creates are real character.

So now all I need is a last line to finish the movie off. Here is not the most important line, but the one that will define the road this character goes in. Does she fall back into the grove she has been in? Or does she grow and go on to turn a new page? Does it become a happy ending a Sad ending or just an ending?

It is very cool to have one line that will do so much for a movie. It is also a little scary to write it. It is moments like these that define a lifetime.

What inspirers me?

So what inspires me? I thought I would pose this question after a bit of time spent working on my screenplay and not being able to finish this conversation two of the characters are having. It is funny, it is based on a conversation I have had, so you would think it would be easy to write. It turns out to be the exact opposite.

So what have I done to cure this? Well I started by making a play list, on my itunes of music that will hopefully give me inspiration for the scene I am having trouble with. How did that work? Well I am now writing this blog, so you tell me. Not sure what the next step is.

I want to talk to someone about it, and hopefully re-awaken the conversation we had, but I think that will backfire. Doing that will make everything forced, and that is the last thing I want from this conversation. This is a pivotal point in the movie for two of the characters, they should both be natural and saying things of the cusp, saying what comes to mind first before they think about it.

That is my problem, as someone pointed out, I think to much about everything, I put to much thought into every detail instead of just acting and going for it. So maybe I should just stop thinking, shut off my brain and write. Wait is that not what I have just done for the last four paragraphs?

I am a twit

So after a lively debate last night about the merits of twitter, I took the advice of the other side and joined to prove my point. It is a stripped down version of Facebook, or myspace, or any number of other networking websites. Their arguments were yes but what some people write, sorry tweet is way more important than what goes up on Facebook, which for the record I can control what I see. Well so far I have seen nothing of the sort. Yes people are shopping and telling me all about the boring crap they do, a lot like a status update.

The other argument is you can be friends with famous people. Well I am not friends with any famous people, on both my Twitter account and my Facebook account I am friends with a Chelsie Hightower, from SYTYCD. If she wanted to, she could write the same things she puts on her twitter on her Facebook. so I am going to give that a strike two. Their other arguments I have yet to really see. as most of the famous people I took a look at on Twitter are just like their Facebook account, and either not them, run by someone else or don't exist.

If you find me on twitter (both of the two people that are reading this) you can follow my great tweets. Which will be a lot like a blog, except shorter and with less meaning. Is that strike three? Well I will give time, and maybe I will grow to like being a Twit.

When life gets you down

So I wrote this entry a little while ago, but I have yet to enter it because of lack of time I suppose, everything is a bit hectic now, and I am feeling the financial struggle. So here it goes.

The biggest test of character is the choices we make. I know it sounds simple enough, and it often is, but these little choices make us who we are. The chances we take versus the things we let slip through are fingertips.

Today I choose the life of a struggling artist. Some will tell you "This is the way to figure out who you are and what you are made of." to see what one can endure. but can't the same be said about going the other way? Can't we have everything we want and still struggle? Is life itself not one big struggle?

So why did I choose to go the path with less money? It came down to a few things. Ethics, and what I was willing to do to become well off, money, and happiness. Money is not everything, it can't buy you what you really want, ethics is what you can live with, and I can not live with lying. Happiness, it is what I am now.

Everything between you and me has to be so Political

So I write this Blog after a long conversation on a car ride home last night with a long time friend of mine. I will not name names, but he is a very active person in the political ring, as well as many other things. He is the founder and leader of the largest youth oriented environmental group in the world, is a paid consultant, and has been an advisor to many important people. I write this intro so you know a bit about this person before I start to rant. So you understand why I believe what I do.

I am now trying to push him to run for political office. I think one day down the road he could be a great PM for our country. Here is where the rant starts, so strap yourself in. I think our country has lost a lot, and has no real leader currently in politics. If an election happens right now, nationally I would not vote for anyone. We need a leader with more charisma, someone people can and will follow.

We do not need a leader that is going to be bullied, or do a 180 on what he or she sets out to do. I think too often people get caught up in party lines, when really we should vote more for what is good for our country. My father was telling me today, that it is too hard for an independent to win, if you want a chance you have to be part of a party. That statement in itself is what is wrong with our country. Politicians get caught up in doing what is good for them to stay in office instead of what is right for their country.

So to finish, when we do finally have an election, I want you before you vote to stop and think is this what I really want?

Write when inspiration strikes!

When I started this blog, I had a much different idea of what I would be writing in my head. I for saw well written clear thoughts, about things that really matter to me. I pictured this blog that maybe someone would actually read. I do think I am a good writer, but my mind goes 900 miles an hour and if I don't stop to think about what I am going to say everything comes out in no real order. This is what you probably have read so far.

This is the paragraph where I would have changed topics three or four times, as more crazy comes flying out of my head, through my fingers and onto this blog. By sentence two I may have almost completely contradicted what I had just said. Now changing topics again, but this time in mid sentence, before I finish my last thought.

It makes for terrible reading, but good writing, and what I think about that is I do like my thoughts, even though I have not been able to capture them all the way I would have liked. For someone else to read it probably is very unorganized, and the grammar is off making it hard to read, as I do not proof what I have just read. But my thoughts lead to other things, and other ideas, and that is what this blog is for.

So you should not try to force good strong writing from a blog, but write what comes to mind trying to figure out where life takes you, and what path to take, what roads you missed and think you should have taken. With that I change subject for really the first time this blog.

So after talking with a friend I have really begun to wonder and question some of my choices in life. Wonder where things may have lead if only... Where would I be if I did not take that job that I just took, what would have happened if I could have let go and go after the girl for once, that maybe wasn't too young. Or tried to take a better look at my life at a younger age. Maybe gone back to school younger.

Well let's try and answer some of those questions now. Well definitely better of with work, as I could have taken on a lot more hours at work and not payed an extra bunch of money on my car for two months. Maybe I would be with that girl write now, with her over my shoulder reading this blog as I type it with different thoughts running through my head. Maybe writing about what a great time we had last night at somebody's party. With a career now, in something I liked.

Or

Maybe none of that as fantasy is always better than reality. But the thing is you can never have fantasy, where reality, reality is what you have to live with.

The road less Traveled

I now know why this road is less traveled, you get screwed over. So I took a job I mentioned, doing painting, and light Carpentry, it was suppose to be full time, it required me to insure my car as a business vehicle. I was only getting an average of 12 hours a week, and now I have been told there will be no more work for me.

My boss, went in a complete 180 degree turn. When he hired me, I was the wave of the future. They way he wanted to take his company, a young person, looking for direction in life, and wanting to grow. A person who had no experience and was going to learn the trade. Well it turns out, he has decided to only contract out work from now on, and thus he can not use me as I do not have the skills.

Really, you could not have figured this out before hand? He screwed me over in that I did not take full time at my other job, and now I can't get full time there. I have extra insurance on my car, and I turned down other work. I was banking on this because then I would be able to bank my entire other paycheck from my other job. Now I have to figure out how to make ends meet. October will be hard, but November is looking scary.

The music in me

There is something about music, it can make you feel like nothing else. Watch a movie and realize how powerful a soundtrack is, this is what is inspiring my next two projects. The first project is copied from another idea I saw on youtube. I am taking their idea, and making it my own. I do not want to go into two much detail, as I do not like divulge details over the internet.

The other project, is completely driven by the soundtrack, I want to do this to really explore how far you can take a soundtrack and how far I can take it. The details I will share about this, are I am going to turn it into a series, and the series will be a movie if played together.

I think we can all relate to that songs that reminds of something, that relationship we had, that goal we scored, or to sad time, and a dark place. Sometimes it is the best thing to listen to when we are trying to remember the past. The past is something we have to remember, and I think we all like to remember the good times anyway.

I am back, yes I am back

So I mentioned a few posts ago a girl, I have since then mentioned her a couple more times, and no this is not about me liking her, but something completely different. I mentioned her as a muse, and I thought I would blog about that this time. Well I have found myself creating this character for her. It is based on a couple people I know, and she is not one of them. I am however writing this character with her in mind and as the story is unfolding, she is the one in my mind that is this character. I would really like her to play this character as I am sure she will.

I write about this because I like the fact she is my muse, and it forces me to think about her a lot. She is definitely not a bad thing to have on your mind. I do not know if she will ever read this, and I write it thinking she will not, but I wonder what she would think if she did. Would she find it creepy? Be flattered? Understand the position I hold her?

I also wanted to talk about work, as I mentioned in my first post I was suppose to be working a lot. That has not happened. I have only averaged about 12 hours of work a week the last 5 weeks from my supposed full time job. It has put me in the position where I have to find new work. I feel a little bad but there is nothing I can do. It is really making it hard for me, as I currently have a ton of bills, and not a lot of money. I would have been fine if this job was even 30 hours a week. Now all I can hope for is that I will get new work soon, so I can afford to live.

Too Late

So I have been thinking a lot lately about what a friend told me. She thinks old things (for our conversation it was about multimedia, music Movies) can only be viewed as nostalgic, and thus should only be seen heard at random when you have no control. They should not be kept or held onto. If they were that makes you a "pack rat" of sorts.

I disagreed.

You see, I think good music is good music, and good movies are good movies. They are a lot like a painting. They are to be seen and viewed when one needs to feel a certain way. Yes sometimes you need it for nostalgic reasons, but that does not mean it is the only reason.

Time after Time

So as I get older I start to look at things a bit differently. I am not super old, hell I am not even 30, but I am at the age where I think you do have to think a lot about where you are in life, where you are going, and how you are getting there. In life we all see people from ever walk of life. I have begun more and more to think about how they got there. What I find I do now is think not just about where they are, but how that effects their kids.

Does where one is effect where ones children can go? I know there are always exceptions to the rule, but I really think it does. People in small towns generally stay their. People in poverty generally stay their. Again not always, but I think enough to consider it a pattern.

Now why am I saying this? where did this come from and what does it have to do with anything? Well I am writing character bios, and I think when you have characters that are going to be flat this is the pattern they stay. Your flat character is the norm. It is your depth main character that drives the story that changes everything, that bends the rules.

Now to bring it back to my life, I am tired of being flat. I want more, and I am ready to work for it.

Muse

So obviously it is a women, and yes I do like her, but I also like a few other ladies now, and this should not be the primary reason, but after going out with her tonight, and not in a romantic situation, but I feel the need, and desire to write. Talking to her was like walking through fog until at the end you reach the end. There is a clearing. In this clearing you can see everything.

I have a clear picture of what I want to write. I am writing this part for the girl I was talking to, and oddly enough it is about another girl, that yes you guessed it, I am also into.

So what is it about women that clouds are minds so much only to clear it out like no one else?

Wow a second post

So I am finishing my move into my new place, I moved from a house in West Vancouver with a roommate, into a 700 sq foot apartment. It is amazing how much new stuff one really needs. You think you might be ok because you are downsizing, but really I almost need more. Lots of things I need to replace, because they do not fit in my new apartment. For instance a coffee table, a desk to work from, I could go on but I am sure the one person reading this gets the point.

It is pretty cool starting completely new again, as I just mentioned, I am moving, I am going back to school at the age of 27, I got a new job, and all of this has given me a bit of new life. I am eager to get things going again in my life. To see where life takes me, as I am just "a leaf blowing in the wind"

So I thought on this first post (I know it is the second read the title, but first post besides the introduction) I would write about about all those changes. So I already talked a bit about the move, but how does that help this new direction? Well it helps a lot. It feels like a weight is lifted of my shoulders. I felt really stagnant living there, almost as if I was under house arrest. That is probably the best way to describe it, I feel like I am a free man to try new things, and do something different with my life.

Why am I going back to school? Well I have been working in the film industry for the past 5 years or so, and it is not that I do not like making films, but more I did not like what I was doing to make those films. I took a year off, and in that year I really noticed how much it helped with my eagerness to make my own films. I finally finished this documentary I was doing for five years with some friends. So I just came to the realization that being a peon in the great scheme of things in these giant pictures I was making was not for me. I will continue to pursue film, hell probably even more now than I did before. I am already writing my next picture. I now had to figure out what I wanted to do as a fallback job. Well truth be told I did not want a fallback job, I wanted again something more, so I looked deep and tried to figure out what I wanted to do besides make movies. Well it turns out that would be mechanical engineering. Of course I need a lot of schooling for this and first I need to upgrade my math, and actually take physics. So that is what I am doing first.

My new job, well it is an interesting story, that I think deserves it's own blog so you will have to wait for that, but I will tell you that it to is something totally different than I have been doing for the past 27 years.

Journey

So thanks to one of my really good friends who has been off doing his own journey, and reading all about his adventures in farming, I decided I needed to start my own blog. more so to work on my writing, something I use to do all the time. Now as I have gotten older I have really neglected it. So I really hope starting this will force me to write more.

So what to expect???

Well I think there will be lots opinions and general thoughts on this. I do not want to put creative writing up just yet, but that my come down the road. The important thing is that I write. So what is going on in my life I want to write about??? Well lots, I have started a new chapter in most parts of my life, including deciding to go back to school at the age of 27.

So I hope you enjoy what comes next, because it will be better than this intro.